A gender journey: Navigating non-binary identities around the holidays

Eloise Ayotte, Editor in Chief|December 8, 2022

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Eloise Ayotte

I wear my pronouns boldly on my work nametag as a badge of pride.

Each day, when I clock into work at my local pet store, I wear a nametag with pronouns that read “THEY/SHE.” If you visit my public Instagram profile, you will see that right next to my name are the same pronouns. I am proud of my non-binary identity and happy to live a life of honest expression.

What is non-binary?

In terms of gender identities, non-binary is a term used to refer to individuals who do not identify as men or women. Non-binary people typically identify as such because they do not feel connected to a male or female identity. Pronouns used by non-binary people include “they/them,” “ze/zir/zirs,” “xe/xem/xyr,” “they/she/he,” etc.

However, it did take time to get to this space of comfort. It took effort, research, explaining, and teaching to finally say that I am a publicly proud non-binary person. 

Yet, I am still unfinished. 

I am fortunate to have a supportive immediate family and friends made up of fellow queer* people and genuine allies with whom I had no issue sharing my non-binary identity. But my extended family is a different story. 

*I use the word “queer” as a gender-neutral and inclusive approach to labeling members of the LGBTQIA+ community. I recognize that this word has had some negative connotations attached to it in the past, but as a member of the queer community, reclaiming this word is empowering and educational.

My extended family’s more conservative and religious-leaning ideologies make it difficult for me to find the confidence to be my authentic self around them. While I recognize and am grateful that I do not fear for my physical safety – a fear many queer people, unfortunately, face every day – I do feel acute anxiety that if I make my extended family aware of my preferred identity, I will be ostracized and judged. 

Sure, I guess I could avoid my fears and anxieties by simply avoiding my extended family. But I am a teenager, and it’s the holiday season, so I’m not left with much choice. Instead, I will see them all the time. For extended periods of time. This keeps leading me back to my nervousness over how I will handle the weeks ahead.