Ask Anonymous: Foxes, friends, and fights


Welcome to “Ask Anonymous,” where you ask me questions, and I answer.

Ask Anonymous, Reporter at Large

It’s been a minute, Brentwood. I do apologize for my brief hiatus. As fun as it is to believe that I am nothing more than a mean, clean, advice-giving machine, I am, unfortunately, just like everyone else. A slave to the education system, a shell of my younger self, perhaps even burnt out to a crisp. Alas, the sun still shines, the Earth still rotates, and there are still questions to be answered. I really can’t complain too much. With spring in full swing, things are bound to be on the up and up. Flowers will bloom, the temperature will rise, and the school year will be over before we know it. My goal until then? Continue to remain anonymous. Seriously, I can’t believe no one’s figured it out yet. There’s something so fascinating about people discussing you right to your face and just having to remain silent. It’s kind of a rush, if I’m being quite honest. I’m still awaiting my inevitable exoposé, whether it’s in confrontation, video, or essay format (I prefer video, FYI). But until then, let’s answer some questions.

Hi Anon,

I have another goofy critter for you to review. What are your thoughts on the Tibetan Fox? Thanks!

  • Scoob
The Tibetan Fox in all of its smugness, for reference.

Scoob, my dude! Thank you for sending in another animal for me to review. Except “thank you” is something someone who is thankful would say. And Scoob… I hate to say it, but I am not very thankful for this animal. Normally you do a fantastic job finding silly little critters for me. But this, unfortunately, is not one of them. Look at his smug face. Why does he look like that? What does he know that I don’t? I can’t look at him without feeling tense. Judged even. No more smug animals, please, or I am to revoke your Scooby Snack privileges.

Dear Anonymous,

I left my friend group after a big argument in which they all ganged up on me. I thought I was making the right decision for myself, but now I’m second-guessing. Should I try to get back in?

  • Norville

That’s quite the hole you’ve dug for yourself there, Norville. My biggest question to you is this: who started the fight? If your friends truly ganged up on you out of nowhere and started the entire thing, then I wouldn’t recommend going back. I can’t imagine being friends with the Norville Hate Club™ is all that fun. But here’s where I need you to reach deep down and be honest with me. I find it hard to believe they would gang up on you out of nowhere. Unless your group consists of a bunch of undercover MMA fighters, I don’t think they’d pick a fight out of thin air. So Norville, look me through the screen and tell me, were you the one causing problems? Reach deep down into your soul and tell me the truth. If you were the one at fault here, then the only thing I can recommend you do is apologize. GENUINELY apologize. None of that “I’m sorry you feel that way” stuff. As upset as you might be at your friends for whatever reason, the fact that you’re even thinking about getting back in the group shows you still care for them, at least a little bit. So give a genuine apology and hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive you—best of luck.

Thank you to those who have submitted entries so far. If you have a burning question, email me at [email protected] for your chance to have your entry featured in The Nest. Remember, I’m not the only anonymous one in this situation; all participants are to remain under a pseudonym, so don’t be afraid to reach out. I’ll see you curious kiddos on the flip side!